This Ain’t No Sex in the City

I'm having a Bradshaw moment.

I don’t mean to get all Sarah Jessica Parker here, but as mentioned on my podcast I’m freshly exploring the single world. Never would I have imagined how DIFFERENT the single girl’s sex life can be from that of a close companionship. It’s a wholly separate skill set!

The juxtaposition is startling. Sex in a relationship was a safe arena for some friendly grappling. Now every encounter is a labyrinth of social forays, dodging insecurities and jousting witty dialogue. Then, past the sexts, the banter, the drinks and the flirt, there is still much to be navigated in the bedroom. Literally, sometimes. Try reaching for your safe sex protocol while keeping the fire burning while not burning oneself on flanking candlight all while wrestling that incessant mental monologue. That’s a lot, even for a pro.

With a career focused on sexual technique and behavior for some time now, this new “field research” is giving my internal sex map a cartographic extension.  In the vast landscape of the human condition, this is some righteous uneven ground.

Like a warrior in the fray of a messy battle, I find myself skillfully stumbling into both mistakes and triumph. At the end of every skirmish, I find a particular lesson relearned. It’s the rich jem of  knowing what I want AND what I don’t want and being able to give it voice. If one is like myself with a propensity for awkward moments, this skill triples in value.

Ideally, I rise from every hayride better for the experience. That’s as tall an order as this experience is humbling. And I am humbled. From where I stand, nothing is quite as sweet as doing exactly what is in accordance with one’s desire while also in accordance with one’s partner’s desire. Shakespeare & Socrates help sum it up best: in sex, like in life, know thyself & to thine own self be true, even when a bit bewildered.